Max and Bear are at the Future Masters Tournament in Dothan AL. Rob is at a Club Tournament. He is playing with 2 other boys in his flight, they are older, both their dads are driving the carts. Rob very firmly told me in no uncertain terms that he does not want me there while he plays.
No you can’t drive the cart.
Yes daddy could if he was here.
No you can’t follow from a distance.
No I don’t care that I am the only one that doesn’t have a parent with them.
Now these dads are both good men. They will watch out for Rob and will encourage and help him where necessary. But they are not Me. Surely I should be there to watch out for his best interests, give him encouragement and kind words? It goes against my every instinct (except a tiny, gnawing one that I will get to) to leave him in a competitive situation where he is also the younger and less experienced player …. but I go along with his wishes, albeit reluctantly. Before he leaves he gives me a hug and thanks me for charging his golf phone (phone that stays in his golf bag). He thanks me for something ! Small victories !! But it’s still – no you can’t come out there with me.
It has concerned me for a while that we (and by we I mean not only myself but the whole generation of us hovering, doting parents) are too invested in our kids. Too invested in their sports and success and feelings and egos. We spend thousands, sometimes tens of thousands, of dollars annually on coaching, equipment, clothing, tournaments, psychologists and traveling. We do it, we all do it, and this is the way it is now. It’s like an out of control merry-go-round and we can’t get off however concerning the situations appears.
It’s clearly not just me. This very morning I read a Psychology Today article illustrating how parents today are raising “A Nation of Wimps”. The author, Hara Estroff Marano, goes into great, petrifying detail how we as parents are going to “ludicrous lengths to take the bumps out of life for their children” and how this “hyper concern is making kids fragile and break down in record numbers”.
I shared the article on Facebook and made the comment: Very true. Very long but worth the read. Something has got to be done.
This was the tiny, gnawing instinct at work when I reluctantly let Rob go off on his own to play his tournament.
Possibly being forced into action, or rather inaction, by our children may be our saving grace after all.
And possibly having faith in them may be theirs.