Season 2, Tournament 7: Don’t Talk to Me

Hole 2, Par 3 he hits his 7 iron off the tee with such purity it sails in a beautiful arc straight over the green, over the pine straw and on to the grass beautifying the sidewalk on the other side.  “I probably need to re-work my distances, I’m hitting longer these days”.  Good plan.  Quadruple bogey later and I’m not sure if it’s sweat or tears rolling down my cheeks.  Hot as hell out here.

I had marked a 6 on the scorecard and Rob said no, it was a 7.  Convinced I had made my checkmarks correctly I left it.  On the next hole Caddy Dad 1 said he thought Rob’s score for that hole was a 7 and we counted it through.  Yes I had made a mistake and advised Caddy Dad 2 and Rob.  Rob was rather upbeat: “See I was right !”  He then proceeded to drive the green and birdie Hole 3 !

On the tee box on Hole 4 his feet are lined up with the trees on the right and I tell him.  He doesn’t correct and launches straight into the drive.  The child has an uncanny ability to catch good bounces off trees !  Now if we can just get good breaks on the green ….. Par, there it is !!

Then we plunge it into the water and it’s a real problem.  I tell him that is where he was pointing.  Of course I should know better.

Don’t talk to me.  I told you not to talk to me when I hit a bad shot……..”

So embarrassing. I tell him in no uncertain terms that he will not speak to me like that and if he is not having fun we can leave immediately.  He gets it and is quite pleasant the rest of the hole despite the drop.  I also tell him that I will be lining him up correctly going forward and if I had spoken up a couple of times previously it would have been helpful.

The “Lift, Clean and Place” rule is in effect, given torrential rain the night before.  His drive on Hole 7 lands in semi-rough on a hill.  A horrible down-hill lie.  Rob lifts the ball, cleans and places it, no closer to the pin, but a little further back on slightly flatter ground (top of the hill).  Is this allowed ?  Need to check ….. Caddy Dad 1 – who warned me on the last hole that Rob would get a penalty if he swings 2 inches below where he was casually swinging while waiting to play his bunker shot – would no doubt have said something if we were in flagrante delicto so I think we’re okay.

It’s my duty as a caddy to say something so I do.

“I said, don’t talk to me!”

Yet he is kindly complementary and encouraging to his playing partners and polite to the Caddy Daddies.

2 Birdie holes, some horrible holes and an attitude that could be better.  On the walk up to the last green he asks what he needs to work on.  I say putting.  He then proceeds to drain a 10 footer to rescue a double from the water and says “I’m good at putting“.  The caddy is never right ……….

I feel like a fragile flower, wilting under the audacity of the southern humidity and a stubborn son.

The next group finishes and a dad is berating his son for all to hear.  That was the worst round ever…….  You are a complete embarrassment…….  It is a frustrating game and will bring out the best and worst in players and caddies alike.  The boy only scored one shot more than Rob and I thought Rob was pretty solid.