On the practice range the tension hangs thick and quiet as the low lying clouds. Earnest conversations between caddy and child. Sweat wiped from furrowed brows and shaking heads before the first tee is even reached.
Rob, who thrived and listened with rapt respect to Max’s words of wisdom after the turn yesterday says to me : You can’t say anything at all to me out there.
I seethe inside and remind him: golfers have caddies because they need all the help they can get. He informs me that I’m just the wrong help. OK, it’s your score Buddy.
It’s all very well to refuse to listen, but when I say it’s a 3 wood for the 3rd time in as many holes and he’s fluffed a hybrid for the 3rd time in as many holes – darn it, perhaps I’ve got a point !
After a particularly bad hole I try and reassure him with the truth of why we are out here: You are learning at this point to play competitive golf, that’s all. It’s met with : You are learning at this point to keep quiet.
Caddy Dad beside me looks at me like – you going to do anything about that?
Max takes over on Hole 14 much to my and Rob’s relief. Rob tells me he loves me but I am a terrible caddy. I say he has no other choice most of the time and besides, he pretty much caddies for himself anyway. Exactly, he responds, so keep quiet.
I’m pretty sure Rob’s playing partner would dearly love to say that to his dad who has not kept quiet for one moment the entire round and has personified the definition of “over-coach” from the first tee box:
Not our best, maybe daddy had you lined up a bit wrong.
Little more to the right. No stop. Restart. Bring your foot slightly right, now left. OK trust your alignment and accelerate through with the club. Ready. Go.
That’s the first shot you have pulled, Son. Slow down, focus and accelerate. Finish through.
Put your club face here. Don’t touch the ball. Let’s make sure it’s straight.
We’ve got to open the club face slightly on this shot. No, son. Step back. Let’s look at it again.
Make sure your body and club make up railway tracks.
Check your alignment again, I think you moved son. Don’t move your feet. Set them in my direction and pump.
Seriously !
And there Max and Rob are walking along happily together. Drive, perfect. 3 wood, perfect. Was there an argument about using a hybrid instead? I think not ! Then he pulls out a Birdie.
OMG, it must be me. Do I really sabotage this kid so bad? A birdie off the bat amidst my sea of triple and quadruple bogeys.
We approach the green on 17 only to be stuck behind the leaders from an older age group caught up in a bunker. All caddies and players raking and digging in the bunker trying to find an embedded ball to no avail. It was a fine example of camaraderie and common courtesy amongst players helping each other. (Not once did over-coaching caddy of playing partner help at all on the numerous occasions Rob and I scoured the undergrowth looking for a wayward ball.) The ball was ultimately declared lost and the player had to go back to where he had originally hit and drop again. This would have sent a lot of players over the edge, especially being in the leading group with a State Champion trophy on the line, but this particular player was cheerful and respectful to the rules official and took it all in his stride. So impressive. Such a winning attitude!
And it occurs to me that Rob and my golf course issues are possibly less about golf and more about parenting. We have a long post-round discussion and I tell him I will not tolerate the disrespect any more. He will be happier and play better when he is less angry. Going forward we are going to carry a book on the bag with 3 columns and he will make a check mark in each column where appropriate :
- Show Respect for Caddy and Playing Partners.
- Show disrespect and anger towards self.
- Show disrespect and anger towards caddy.
I suspect he will have a lot of check marks in columns 2 and 3 for the first few times, but if this Zen Golf infused idea works we should end up the season on a more positive note.