Bear played a practice round with us even though he did not play State and left for the Future Masters in Dothan, Alabama the next day. To begin with we could not get the GPS watch to sync up (it turns out they had turned the course around some years back). On hole 2 green I realize we have left ‘Rory’ – Rob’s driver head-cover somewhere and go back to look for it leaving the boys on the green putting out. On the way back I look back and don’t see ‘Bear’ – Bear’s driver head-cover. I jerk the cart around and go back and find it on the cart path. Secure it and get back to the boys only to find ‘Rory’ has fallen off again …… I turn back and find it on the edge of the fairway. The people behind us at this point must be wondering just what the hell is this woman doing with her back and forth picking up of lost objects ………… On the next tee box I can’t find the range finder and lose it with the boys …… I turn round again and go back to the last known place we had it, on the approach to the last green ……… Not there ……. because it’s in the cart ! At this point I’m as unhinged as the people behind us probably think I am. The boys are crying and saying this is not fun. Both shoot a 5 (double) – “because of you!” …….
I try to relax and make light chatter. Rob screws up a 3 wood, then another 3 wood, but makes 2 lofty, beautiful wedges on to the green.
Me: Your irons are just beautiful !
Rob: Those are not irons. You don’t know anything !
Well I know its freakin’ hot and I don’t need to be out here with 2 kids that can’t lay off me or each other. Oh Brother !
Rob drives. Not pretty but it went far with a big bounce on landing. I hit a tree.
Bear: You did not hit a tree.
Rob: I hit a tree.
Bear: You did not.
Me: You hit a root. It does not matter.
Rob: Everyone needs to stop talking. Including me.
It does not proceed terribly well between us all. On the next par 3 he hits it into a deep green-side bunker (of which there are many on this course) and takes out a sand wedge.
Bear: I would not use a sand wedge.
Me: Bear would take a Gap out of there.
Rob: Well I’m taking a sand wedge.
And so on and so on.
Me: I just want this to be fun.
Bear: That’s what I want.
Me: How do we get there?
Rob: No one speak to me except to tell me yardage.
We make the turn and are met with the Starter telling us we were wrong to go off on hole 1 – should have started on 10 (first we are hearing of this) but now we are stuck behind four-balls of 6 year olds as far as the eye can see. In our shared sheer dismay at the situation we unite and are quite happy.
On hole 12 I rather bad-naturedly agree to let the two 6 year olds behind us join our 2 ball. It sped things up for them and slowed it down for us so that we waited only briefly for the group of in front of us. While I’m being on the ill-natured side, I wish Bear would just drill a ball into the vacant cart left 15 yards in front of the green by the clueless Daddy Caddy in front of us to knock some course etiquette into him. Every Single Hole he does it while we wait on the tee watching him and his child amble obliviously back to it when everyone else has already left the green.
Max had joined us half way through the back 9 and took over driving the boys. At one point he walks back to the cart fuming – Rob just doesn’t listen !
Ha! Welcome to my world !
